A MidSummer Night's Yu-Gi-Oh
by serena.jones.585
Summary: All's fair in love and war, but when a God is bored, the course of true love is anything but smooth! A comedy of errors. (With loving thanks to Shakespeare.)


Set was bored.

He sighed deeply and watched humanity passing like so many ants on a summer's day. It wasn't that he had nothing to do – there were always anthills to overturn, sending their occupants into chaotic whirls.

He missed the old days.

He missed the days when Chaos reigned and humanity feared the divine. The days when being a God meant something.

He sighed again. A millennia had passed at least, since anything interesting had happened. Floods, fires, earthquakes – they all were so fleeting. Nothing brought him the same joy as having followers.

Followers were an infinite source of interest. Humans were so flawed! Give ten of them the same instruction and they will return with fifteen different results. Give them the same instruction a second time, and they will return with new variations. It was endlessly amusing to give them puzzles and watch them spin out of control attempting to resolve them.

Set did have a few followers remaining; individuals who souls were his by right for eons or those that came to him in their current lifetimes – knowingly or unknowingly. Holy men and thieves, poets and politicians, so many souls followed the path of chaos. As many, indeed, as those who followed the path of Ra's light.

Something in Set's worldview flickered. He peered more closely, desperate for any entertainment. Most humans were beyond faceless, but a few he recognized, and any who were attractive enough – or grotesque enough – he marked. Set enjoyed playing with the marked ones when he found two or more near each other.

He had to look closely to see even marked humans. Ants, he thought again, like millions upon millions of ants.

But there it was. Or rather, 'he' was. Seth, a priest from the old days – a soul consecrated to Set so long ago even the God could not remember a time when Seth was not his to command.

Seth was again in proximity of the Nameless Pharaoh and another of Ra's pets. It was petty of Set to continue to refer to the young Pharaoh as 'Nameless' but keeping the name hidden from the boy had provided a few moments of amusement – until Ra had grown tired of the game and returned it to him.

But, during that game, Set had marked several of the human around his priest. He searched among the sand that was mankind looking for those gems. He found some – a male here, a female there, and one he'd never been entirely sure about either way. That one was his favorite. Ambiguous and Androgynous were close cousins of Chaotic. With Ra's pets, there were enough for a game of 'chase'.

Set smiled. A children's game, to be sure, but all children were agents of Chaos. They had yet to understand Order, had yet to give in to the mundane. Children's games were the most fun – simple in concept, but often devastating in effect. A game of 'tag' could lay siege to continents. A game of 'keep away' could level civilizations. A game of chase among a few unimportant humans would provide a moment of pleasure in an eternity of monotony.

Unless Ra put an end to all fun.

Set called for one of his agents. He had just the thing to start this chase.

* * *

Give the white drops to the priest, give the black drops to his light. Give the green drops to the female, give the red drops to her male. The yellow drops went to the Ra's pet; the blue drops to the pet's light.

It repeated Its instructions yet again. It had six blossom, invisible to the human eye, and simple instructions. Place a drop of the flower's pollen on the eyes of each of the chosen. Each would fall madly in love with the next human he – or she – saw. Most Divine Chaos was playing an old, old game. But even with old games, Most Divine Chaos added a twist; the blossoms were paired, B/d, D/s, S/m. The black, green and blue were irresistible to the white, red and yellow.

It hated the human world. Humans stank. Humans were dull and ugly. It was glad that the Most Divine Chaos had marked the humans he wanted to play with so that It did not have to actually look at the humans. It could find the marks, follow Its instructions, and leave the stinking, ugly human world.

Give the black drops to the priest, give the white drops to his dark. Give the green drops to Ra's pet, give the red drops to her male. The blue drops went to the female; the yellow drops to his light.

* * *

Kaiba looked in the mirror and adjusted the pins on his shoulder. Three household komans: the Imperial Family, House of Kaiba, and House of Jounouchi. They were the size of traditional koman, but the enameled broaches were heavy and pulled the collar of his formal kimono out of shape.

But the collar could be pinned in place. The pleasure of wearing these particular three koman could not be over-estimated. He had others – business associates used the gift as if it would sway him far too often – but these three were the only ones that would matter tonight.

A pair of strong arms slipped around his waist. "Man, moneybags, I gotta say, you look fuckin' hot."

Kaiba glanced at the clock. "And I 'gotta' say, you look under dressed. And late. Again."

"Why dress up? It's wasn't that long ago." Jou laughed. "Who has a five-year high school reunion anyway?"

"I thought you wanted to go to this foolish event." Kaiba frowned impatiently. "I rescheduled my evening for this."

"Don't get your panties all twisted." Jou kissed Kaiba's neck before the man could respond to the jib. "I totally want to go; I haven't seen most of our class since graduation." Kaiba rolled his eyes but didn't comment. "I can't believe you're actually wearing that silly thing." Jou moved his hand up to stroke the koman for House of Jounouchi. "Mom only got it as a lark. I don't even think it's real."

"It is." Kaiba replied. "I had a historian research it for her."

Jou kissed his neck again. "You're too much." He moved his hand from the koman to stroke the chest beneath it. "I do want to go, but I wouldn't mind being late."

Kaiba grabbed Jou's hand. "You have ten minutes to put on something civil. I don't care what our former classmates think; I refuse to be seen in public with an un-groomed mutt." But he kissed Jou's hand, taking any sting out of his words. "I'd rather leave early and have all night to play than rush through something now."

* * *

It was very glad that Most Divine Luck seemed to be watching over It today; It had found all of the humans in one place. Sadly, that place had hundreds of human in the way! Still, once It found the right ones, It could discharge Its office and return to the divine realm where every one was beautiful and no one stank.

It found the priest first and his light. It was dismayed, however, to realize that It could not tell the tri-colored heads apart.

But then, one of them jumped up and waved, "Jou! Over here!"

He bumped the table beside him, causing a woman to spill her drink on herself. She, in turn, took a step backward, bumping into a man, who pushed another man, who was refilling the punch bowl. Red liquid went everywhere.

Only a true priest of the Most Divine Chaos could cause so much hubris in one little touch. Therefore, the shorter tri-colored human was the priest; the taller of the two had to be his light. It moved toward them.

Before It reached them however, three more humans joined the pair.

"Yugi!" A white-haired woman exclaimed, hugging the priest. "It's so good to see you!"

Beside the woman, a black-haired man shook hands with the priest's light. "A new look for you, eh, Bakura?" The light asked him.

"Don't I get a hug too, Yugi?" a second woman asked the priest.

"Of course!" The priest laughed. "I'm so glad you could make it, Anzu! How is New York? Is Mai coming?"

Another pair joined the priest. One of them had the mark of the Gods strongly. He didn't stink as much and he wasn't completely ugly. With hair like sunlight, he could only be a pet of Ra's – meaning that the man with him must be his male - he assuredly wasn't anyone 'light'.

They were all together and accounted for. It cheered silently as It moved swiftly between them. Turning off the lights for a few seconds was hardly even a trick. In the fleeting darkness, It performed Its task.

The white drops for the white female.

The black drops for the black male.

The priest received the green drops.

The priest's light received the red drops.

The blue drops were for Ra's Pet.

The yellow drops were for Ra's Pet's female.

For the remaining, unaccounted for male, It hesitated. The instructions were for six blossoms. But the human did bear Most Divine Chaos' mark and The Divine One did say to do all of the marked humans. Because all of the blossoms were fading, their pollen used, It dusted the last male's eyes with all of them.

Then, It restored the lights and left, hoping never to return to the human world again.

* * *

The lights returned and Yugi found Anzu in his arms. Anzu whom he'd grown up with. How had he never known how lovely she was? How right she felt in his arms? It was as if a veil had been lifted. "Anzu?" He said softly, looking deeply into her eyes.

"Oh, Yugi." She sighed softly. She could not help but kiss him tenderly. All the years wasted!

Beside them, Yami and Bakura saw nothing, heard nothing except perhaps each other's heartbeats.

"Elitist pig!" Bakura snarled panting. He grabbed the former Pharaoh, intent on...something.

"Thief!" Yami spat back. "Common thief! What leave have you to touch me?" And yet Yami found the hold igniting something inside him.

"I'll touch what I desire to touch!" The one-time Robber only knew that he hated the man before him. Hated him so much, he could not let him go.

"Desire?" Yami scoffed. "You could never have me! A lesser man like you could never hope to take me."

"You were the one that called me thief." Bakura want to throw the Pharaoh down, use his body to break his will, leave him begging for mercy...release. "I can take anything I want." He tightened his grip on the man and forced their lips together.

Yami found his body a traitor as he gave in to the thief's kiss.

Ryou gasped as he watched Yugi and Anzu suddenly engage in a kiss that defied any explanation. He turned only to see his lover in a passionate embrace with Yugi's. Shocked, stunned, Ryou turned...

...And meet the warm, soothing brown eyes of Jou. Jou who understood so much with just a simple look.

"It's ok, babe." Jou took Ryou into his arms. "I'm right here. Everything's gonna be ok." Jou kissed his true love's soft lips.

Kaiba looked at them all, wondering if the world had gone mad or if someone had slipped him a hallucinogen.

"Have you people gone mad?!" He snapped. He did not want to call attention to the group, but at the same time, watching them was intolerable. "What is the meaning of this?" He asked Jou's seemingly oblivious back.

"Kaiba?"

He turned toward the voice.

It was Anzu. Her eyes captured him.

A simple beauty. An intelligent, talented, lovely young woman with such great untapped potential. With her at his side, Kaiba knew that there was nothing that could ever stop him.

The rest of them were irrelevant.

He crossed to her and took her hand, ignoring the man who's arms were around her. He kissed her fingertips softly. "Come with me. I will make your every wish reality."

She gasped. Anzu knew her heart belonged to Yugi – could only belong to Yugi – but Kaiba was drawing her like a moth to flame.

"Do you mind!" Yugi growled. It was enough to get the man's attention, but when their eyes met, Yugi found his anger flooded with passion. The words he'd planned to say were washed away. "Take me instead."

Kaiba smirked. "With pleasure." He pushed Anzu aside and the two began devouring each other.

"Yugi!" Anzu cried indignantly, finding herself abruptly on the floor. "Kaiba!"

They pulled apart. "Darling!" "Dearest!" Seto and Yugi helped her to her feet. Then began kissing again even as they were dusting off her dress.

"Is this some kind of joke?" She pulled away from both of them. "I don't know what is going on here, but I think I'm done!" She stomped away, in the direction of the main door.

"Anzu?" Seto found it difficult to pull away from the magnetism of Yugi's smoldering, raw sexual appeal, but Anzu was the future mother of his dynasty. "Yugi – call me!" Then he ran – actually ran – to catch the woman he loved. "My Darling! Wait!"

"Your darling?!" Yugi bristled, no less in love with his childhood angel than Kaiba. "That's MY woman, damn it!" He ran after them both.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Honda asked Otogi as the two of them watched their friends swap partners in the most inconceivable manner possible.

"I don't know. I don't want to know. I'm going back to the bar. Join me?"

"Oh hell yeah." Honda shook his head as they turned away. "I don't want my fingerprints anywhere near this train wreck."

* * *

Set was laughing. Actually laughing. It had been centuries at least since Ra had heard that boisterous sound echoing around him.

As much joy as the sound brought him, however, Ra did know one thing.

If Set was laughing that joyfully, nothing good was at its cause.

"What have you done now?" He tried to fix his great grandson with a stern glare.

But Set was enjoying himself too much to notice. "I shall have to fix this! I shall die of laughter otherwise!"

"What?"

"Humans and their concepts of love!"

Ra peered down at the group Set indicated.

His brow furrowed as he watched Atemu, in a supply closet of all places, being taken by that misbegotten tomb robber. He had dyed his hair for some reason, but Ra was not fooled by so lame a disguise as that.

"Where is Atemu's hikari?" he asked. If the robber had so much as clipped a hair on the boy's head...

"There!" Set guffawed. "With my priest!"

Ra looked more closely and saw the two men in a parking lot with a woman. It was very confusing. "Are they fighting for her, or trying to taking each other?"

"Both!" Set cackled.

"I thought your priest had mated with the foreign one?" A common occurrence among those that worshiped the God of strangers.

"Oh he did, he did! Seth wanted to blood bonded in the old ways, no less." Set was enjoying this too much. "The little blonde wouldn't let him, but my priest tried. He'll even remember that, when this wears off."

"And that will be?"

"A few years. No more than a decade, I should think."

Ra sighed and shook his head. It was somewhat amusing to see the lovers in such disarray. But despite Set's casual attitude, a decade in the life of a human was far too long for a simple prank.

"Unacceptable!" Ra growled. "You will set all to right before mid-summer, or I will banish you to join them until it is resolved."

"Oh, most honored Sun..." Set began, his sincerity lost behind his snickering.

"STOP! Mid-summer – that gives you three days. That's more time than Oberon would have given you."

* * *

Rubber bands were incredibly useful, Bakura decided.

Ten of them – and a jumbo binder clip – had kept the Pharaoh's hands above his head and out of the tomb raider's way. After he'd striped the vaulted king, Bakura defaced 'upper egypt' with tiny rubber bands around his nipples and 'lower egypt' with bands around his phallus, sack, and stones.

He would have used them to bind the Pharaoh's feet as well, but he couldn't find anything to attach them to, so instead, he used plastic cord ties attached to the utility shelving, and spread the king's legs wide. To keep the 'exulted high one' from voicing his displeasure, the thief used a strip of packing tape across his mouth.

It was a stunning effect. The man who was once a deity on earth was bound like a slave. Looking at him made Bakura lightheaded; made his heart pound and his blood boil.

Yami wanted to protest, but for some unknown, unimaginable reason, he could only moan. He had never desired to submit his will to anyone - least of all a rogue and peasant thief - but his hatred of Bakura was making his mind see strange things. Feel strange things. He loathed his current position even as he craved more.

He hated the Pharaoh, Bakura reminded himself. Hated him passionately. It was the passion of hate that caused his phallus to swell. The desire to see the king broken, ravaged, drenched in sweat and semen. The robber's breath came rapidly as he pictured the scene. He opened his belt.

* * *

Ryou smiled at Miho-chan. "Yes, we did have other partners, but..." His voice faltered. How could he have forgotten Bakura so instantly? And how could Bakura have done the same? "Well, I guess we never know what the future holds. Excuse me." He turned to see Jou at the bar arguing with Honda-kun and Otogi-san.

"Last time!" Jou snapped as Ryou reached them. "Let it drop!"

"Jou, Kaiba's gonna kill you if he sees you kissing Ryou again!" Honda shook his head. "I mean, I don't know what the hell all that was, but-"

"And it's not like Bakura will be any more reasonable!" Otogi cut in. "What, you two make a suicide pact?"

"Of course not." Ryou replied. "I love Jou. It's as simple as that."

Without warning and lighting fast, Jou grabbed the back of Ryou's head and pulled a handful of hair until Ryou found himself whimpering. "Nobody told you ta chime in, did they?"

"Ah!" The pain was sharp but exhilarating. Ryou found himself pulling away just to make Jou pull harder. "No, dear!"

"Then shut up." Jou let him go and moved his hand to the back of Ryou's neck. "Just stand there and look pretty, ok?"

"Yes, dear." Ryou breathed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so turned on, so fast.

Jou kissed the boy. It felt right to torture him. And it made Jou want to do more. There wasn't really anyone at this party he wanted to see anyway. He ended the kiss and bit Ryou's lip. The man shivered and moaned.

"Uh, guys! Get a room!" Otogi admonished. "Geez!"

"Yeah." Jou agreed. "A room, right babe?"

"Yes, dear." Ryou panted. His head was swimming.

"Later, dudes." Jou slipped his arm around Ryou's waist and whispered. "I'm gonna take you somewhere and spank you until your whole body turns pink."

Ryou whimpered and tried not to come from Jou's words alone. He didn't know when it had happened that he begun craving pain, but Jou was pressing buttons Ryou never knew he had.

* * *

It had taken time to get them both in his limo, but in the end Seto found it was easier to gather them both than it was to argue about which of them loved Anzu more. It was completely beside the point to Seto that Anzu seemed emotionally indifferent to him. He was confident that once they were wed – as soon as he could arrange the service – she would learn to love him.

In the meantime, he had both Anzu and Yugi to indulge his physical lusts.

Yugi found himself divided. On the one hand, Kaiba was the sexist thing he'd ever seen. On the other, holding Anzu down while Kaiba did truly nasty things to her had already made him stain his pants twice.

He'd never even looked twice at a girl before; indeed, Yugi by his own admission was all but asexual until Yami had come into his life. After that, his pleasure and his joy had come from Yami showing Yugi what his body was capable of feeling.

Now suddenly Yugi wanted to be in control, on top. Was that the way all men felt with a woman?

Anzu watched as Kaiba and Yugi again seemed to forget she was there. The whole evening as like a drug-induced trip! Marriage? With Yugi, it was silly. With Kaiba? It was crazy! And yet each time one of them brought up the subject, she had been unable to say anything except agreements and endearments.

Her phone rang. She answered it, dreading the caller.

"Hey, honey-bunny!" Mai chirped. "You want me to pick you up on my way to the hotel?"

The plan had been for Anzu to go to the reunion while Mai caught up with some of her friends. Then, they'd compare stories over dessert in their suite.

"Mai - uh - no, don't pick me up. I'm sorry. I really don't know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with Yugi."

"YOU'RE WHAT?"

"I know. I was surprised too."

"Are you high?!"

Anzu had wonder the same thing, but she knew what she felt. "No. I'm sorry. I know this sounds crazy, but -"

"Where are you?" Mai asked, frantic. "I'm coming over."

"We're just pulling into Kaiba Manor."

"Wait! Kaiba Manor?" The whole discussion was making less sense the longer Mai had her newly wedded wife on the phone. "What the hell does that asshole have to do with anything?"

"Well, it's a bit confusing, but -"

"But Anzu is marrying me." Kaiba snatched the phone away before she could explain. He paused then smirked. "Is that a fact? Well, by all means, come to the ceremony. Tomorrow at 1pm. I'll make sure you're on the guest list." Kaiba hung up the call. "Man hating harpy." He groused. "A sweet and delicate lotus blossom like you should never have suffered the touch of a creature like that."

"There's a lotus position knot." Yugi whispered. Anzu wasn't sure if he was trying to seduce herself or Kaiba but the words made her shiver. "I saw it online once."

"Driver!" Kaiba snapped. "Go purchase as much hemp rope...no, silk rope. Hemp is traditional, but silk will be so much more elegant for your wedding trousseau. Get as much silk rope as you can find. Bring back what you can within the hour and have the rest delivered tomorrow morning." He got out of the car, pulling Anzu and Yugi with him. "Come! We have a lot to do if I'm getting married tomorrow."

* * *

"You beast! You dung-shaped, contemptuous, back-biting crocodile!"

"Sister!" Set protested. "My most dear Consort..."

"Don't you dare!" Nephthys, Goddess of Night and wife of Set screeched. The only thing keeping her from scratching her twin's eyes out, in fact, was her younger sister Isis' grip on her arms. "How dare you touch them! Do you know how long it took me to find a mate worthy of that woman? You cad! You..."

"My agent is already in-route to reverse the spell." Set tried to appear soothing, but it truth was enjoying Neph's ire. She always turned such an enticing shade of pink when she was excited.

"Your agent! The fool who did this in the first place?" The Goddess of Magic scoffed. "Please don't expect me to believe this is as you chose it. And make no mistake, brother; I'm stopping her now because you say you'll make all right. But if you touch my priestess, I will personally bury you alive."

"Sisters! So little faith!" Set smiled. "Don't I always keep my promises?"

* * *

It hated the human world. But Most Divine Light had been very clear - find Light's chosen one and the chosen one's mate and reverse Most Divine Chaos' spell. It had a blue and a yellow blossom to counteract the original blossoms.

It found one of the marked humans - the white female was with the black male.

"I don't care where you go!" The dark one yelled. "Get your shit and get the fuck out! Where's Jou? Shouldn't he have you on a leash?"

"He told me I had to move these by myself." The white one mewed pitifully.

"God! You're such a wuss!" The dark one grabbed the white one's chin. "I should wrap you in packing tape and send you back like that. It would almost be worth it to see you like that."

It sighed. Human mating was boring!

"What about the wedding?" The female panted.

The dark one laughed. "Right! I almost forgot that stupid thing. I did want 'pharaoh' to kiss his little Yugi goodbye. Get the fuck out now. I wanna wash this dye shit out of my hair; I don't know why I let you talk me into it in the first place. Tell Jou, he can come get your crap later."

It groaned but followed the white one. That one would lead It to the sunlit one and that was Most Divine Light's pet.

Humans were disgusting, It decided. They were ugly and smelled and even their mating lacked any beauty. Even the way they moved – these machines of theirs – was loud and ungainly.

But following the white female had been a good choice. The white female went straight to a place where the sun-touched pet waited.

"I only have a minute, Mai; Jou will be angry if I'm late."

"Jou!?" The pet snapped. "What the hell is going on here?"

It was puzzled. It remembered that Most Divine Light's pet had been almost not ugly. But this one did have sunlit hair and was with the proper female. If they were the wrong two, It reasoned, the error could be fixed later. It flit between the pair, anointed their eyes as they both blinked, and then returned to the land of shadows and Gods without another thought.

* * *

It didn't like the human world, but any errand to please Most Divine Mother was a joy. It was an easy enough task, find Most Divine Night's priestess, be sure she performs the divine rite – Most Divine Chaos had been right in that – then free the human female from any spells.

It was very good at telling the human males and females apart – many of Its kind didn't even attempt to do so. There were many signs, however. The females were smaller, their faces sweeter, their hair longer. And only a very few of them had a phallus – those were usually favored by Most Divine Chaos.

It was lucky that the priestess It sought was attending a human event. Males and females exaggerated themselves at events, making it that much easier to tell them apart.

There were many humans in attendance who bore a mark of the Gods. Most Divine Light, Most Divine Chaos, Most Divine Luck, Most Divine Mother, Most Divine Wisdom, others. It even saw another of Its kind. But the priestess marked by Most Divine Night was missing. It search the building again, and a third time.

And then It found her. She was being prepared for a fertility ritual by a high priest of Most Divine Chaos and the re-born pharaoh. They had dressed her in flowing gossamer, and bound her with many knots. It could not see how she would walk with such bindings, but the two males were seeding her as It watched, so It used one of Most Divine Mother's lotus flowers to ensure their success.

Then, as protection, It used a lotus on each of the males as well. Then, as the seeds bore fruit, It used the green and yellow blossoms to counteract the original spells. These humans would sleep and wake free of any entanglements.

Humans were such interesting creatures, It thought.

* * *

It was nearly finished. It had found all the marked humans just where Most Divine Chaos had said, and It had brought one of each blossom in every color of the spectrum to be sure.

Anoint them all, Most Divine Chaos told It. If they were marked, undo the mark. It failed to see how the blossoms picked from Most Divine Ecstasy's garden would actually undo the mark of a God, but the Gods knew things that It did not, and so It moved around the room, finding Divinely marked humans to un-mark.

* * *

Kaiba, Yugi and Anzu entered the courtyard to find chaos.

They weren't sure how they'd planned to address their 'guests' for the impromptu wedding they'd scheduled. They weren't even sure what strange madness had prompted the decision or the bizarre behavior around it.

They'd awoke together in a room Kaiba had never shared with anyone other than Jou. None of them had anything to say to each other. They untied Anzu as quickly as possible and headed to the courtyard in hopes of mending their previous relationships.

What they found astounded them.

Jou and Mai were in an actual fist fight - when they both weren't professing undying love to Ryou.

Bakura was on his knees literally kissing Ishtaru's feet.

Yami was pushing both Otogi and Honda away, while trying to reach Bakura.

The Officiant was nowhere to be seen – a good thing as Kaiba thought about it.

"I don't even know where to begin." Yugi breathed.

"Jou, Yami and the harpy." Kaiba answered quickly. "See them to their respective homes and pray they come to their senses."

* * *

Everyone around them washed out like white noise. Bakura only had eyes to see Isis. Only had ears to hear the sound of her voice.

"Carry me." She demanded him. Men like Bakura were nothing but tools, Isis decided. They were good for fetching and carrying. And occasionally, in place of something battery operated.

"Yes, m'lady." Bakura lifted her, glad his physique was up to the task. "Where shall I take you?"

"You!" Isis snapped at one of the household servants. "Show us to a guest room."

He bowed. "This way please."

It had been a long time since Isis had taken a male lover. She had several women she occasionally dallied with, but men were trouble. And Bakura was more than most. But tonight, Isis felt like throwing caution to the wind. Who would have thought that the man who caused so much pain could also steal her heart?

The servant brought them to a room with the only amenity Bakura cared about – a very large bed.

* * *

Honda and Otogi petulantly sat at Kaiba's bar, emptying a pair of beers.

"Think Yugi can win him back?" Honda asked, staring at the ornate glass sculpture behind the bartender.

Otogi shook his head slowly. "Yami-baby's so stuck on the Bakura I doubt Yugi's got a chance."

Honda nodded. They sat in silence for a moment. "So where's that leave either one of us?" He asked his beer.

Otogi thought for a moment, then shrugged. "At the bar."

Honda sighed. "And Yami-kins probably doesn't even know we're alive. Bar-keep! Two more."

* * *

"Go back to Moneybags!" Mai snapped. "Or Yugi! Whoever! Just leave us alone!" She clung tighter to her beloved stallion, Ryou. "It's over between us; move on!"

"Mai, how can we be over?" Anzu was trying to retain some patience, but it was becoming impossible. Since when was Mai girly? And when did Ryou grow a spine? "Darling, think! We only got married a month ago."

"Mai, Anzu's hot anyway." Ryou commented casually. "I don't mind fucking her too, if you want."

"Excuse me?" Anzu spared a scathing look for the white-haired man. He'd seemed to have no interest at all in whether Mai stayed with him or not. And some of his off-handed, callous remarks had been worthy of Bakura. They were actually bizarre, in light of Ryou's normally gentle temperament.

"Don't get all bitchy. I'm just saying that I don't mind giving you a shot of what Mai got to, you know, get you off this lez thing." He chuckled darkly. "Of course, if you chicks wanna do a two-on-one, I can handle that."

She had never thought of Ryou as one of those Neanderthal men who only see woman as sex objects, but he was doing a shockingly good impersonation of one. "And just what kind of shot did you give Mai?"

"100% vitamin R." He thrust his hips blatantly. "Guaranteed de-bitcher."

* * *

"Yami, just talk to me for a minute, OK?" Yugi pleaded.

"This is not the time for talk." Yami tried another door and revealed yet another empty guestroom. "Keep searching. They have to be around here somewhere."

Yugi opened the nearest door and closed it without even looking at the room. "OK, let's say we find Isis and Bakura. Then what?"

"Then I choke the life from that succubus with my bare hands."

Internally, Yugi relaxed. Yami may threaten bodily harm, but he'd never used it. If he had said something about using shadow magic, Yugi would have been much more concerned.

Still, it was unnerving 'helping' his lover find another man. Yami had been Yugi's only love - apart from the last very strange 24 hours. If they found Bakura, and if this odd desire hadn't left Yami, before then, Isis may not be the only one being threatened.

* * *

"Let me go, you psycho-asshole!" Jou struggled against the ropes to no avail. "This is kidnapping, you realize!"

"No." Kaiba admired the view. "This is lovers doing something kinky that the staff is rather amused by."

Actually, the security chief Tamura and his personal bodyguard Roland were both on high alert and not the least bit amused by their boss or his partner's strange behavior. Their teams were either scouring the school's facilities looking for any trace of gases, drugs, or chemicals that would make the whole group act in such uncharacteristic ways or securing the manor. Seto, Yugi and Anzu had donated blood samples to the investigation; Jou's sample had not been voluntary.

Which was how Seto had such a delightful sight before him. Jou, bound to a chair, naked.

"I am beginning to see why you suggested a playroom." He smirked. "If I look half as sexy as you do in that position, it's a small wonder you don't tie me up nightly."

"We are NOT lovers anymore!" Jou snapped. "Look, I'm not sure what happened, but Ryou's the only one I care about, OK? I'm sorry, but it's true."

* * *

"I most assuredly can – and do – blame you." Most Divine Mother Nut, Great Goddess of the Sky stated flatly.

Isis and Nephthys stood behind her looking decidedly smug. Even Thoth, Horus and Khepri seemed to be enjoying watching Nut chastise Set. Ra may have been the supreme God of their pantheon, but no entity was more powerful than an angry mother.

"Which is not to let the rest of you off the hook." She said, eyeing the room. "By sending every sprite in Heliopolis, you all have compounded the problem. Was that your idea, Horus?" The God of Vengeance seemed momentarily mute. "Did it seem particularly wise, Thoth, to repeat the error again and again?" The God of Wisdom shrugged bashfully.

The Goddess of Sky and Air glared at the lot of them. "No more sprites. No more agents. Set, you've had your fun. And the rest of you may well benefit from it – chaos often breeds life. Yes?"

"Yes, Mother." Isis and Nephthys chimed together unhappily.

"Good. Fine. Set, go make what is wrong, right. Anyone who does not trust Set, go with him. And in mortal guise! Even Ra doesn't know what mischief you lot would get into if you took godly powers to Earth!"

* * *

It was slow, true, but Earth was slow. There was no need to rush. The marked humans would be there and It could carry out Most Divine Earth's bidding eventually.

It had found the structure where Most Divine Earth had promised the humans would be. It had found four of the humans together. They were loud, speaking so fast they seemed to not understand themselves. Most Divine Earth's man was not among them.

It studied each human in the room – as Most Divine Earth had instructed. Then, It very deliberately reversed the spell on each. And to ensure that man and mare were in proper order, It only anointed the males' eyes when they were looking at the female.

* * *

"Any idea what the boss is doing now?"

"Not a clue. Most of the guests have vanished – except these two. Boss said to keep the bar open as long as anyone was here."

"Well, they're here. How long have they been out cold?"

"Too long. I'm beat. I'm going home. If either of them moves, they were drinking Heineken."

"Got it. See you later."

* * *

"What am I going to do?" Anzu looked as if she would burst into tears at any moment.

"Untie me, damn it!" Jou struggled against the ropes again. "I'll go tear the bitch off him."

"Uh! Men!" Anzu gasped. "Where did Kaiba go?"

"Hell if I know!" Jou sighed. "Anzu, look we can help each other here. You get Mai, I get Ryou, we both go home happy.

Anzu thought about it for a moment. Whatever had happened between herself, Kaiba and Yugi had ended as soon as they had sex. Maybe there was some mass hormonal thing happening. Maybe the best thing was...

She shivered. Ever since she'd gotten together with Mai, Anzu had found male bodies hard, hairy, repulsive things. But if this was what she had to do to get Mai back...

"If Kaiba comes back, we won't get another chance."

Frying pans and fire, Anzu thought. She took a deep breath, and then began looking for the end of the rope.

* * *

"May I help you?" The guard at the gate asked when he was finally able to do more than stare at the group.

"Yes, you may." One of the women stepped forward.

She was beautiful. They were all beautiful. Three men and three women; they looked like the cast of one of those modeling shows. Like people you never see in reality, because no one looks that perfect – except here they were in front of him!

"We are here to see Seth."

Foreigners, the guard thought. Their golden skin tone and light eyes had been clue enough, but to call the boss by his given name and mispronounce it at that!

There were many guests on the compound at the moment. Rumor had it that the boss was hosting a wedding.

"Are you wedding guests?" He asked, picking up the list of approved names.

She smiled. "Yes. Marriage is specialty of mine. We are here for a wedding."

"May I have your names please?" The woman moved next to him, touching him as she leaned over his list. The guard felt his whole body quivering; for a moment, he wondered if the old wives tale about nosebleeds was true. Had to be false. His nose should be gushing.

"Here we are." She said. Her slender, golden hand caressed his as an actual orgasm rippled up and down the guard's nervous system. "You see?"

"Uhhggah." The man responded, trying to keep from collapsing into a pool of satisfied jelly on the floor. "Hhhaaiii."

"Such a sweet response." She smiled warmly. "We'll just let ourselves in."

* * *

"GO AWAY!" Isis shrieked. "I don't like you! You're driving me crazy!"

"I agree entirely." Yami nodded. "You both are quite annoying."

"She meant you, Yami." Yugi pointed out. "You're arrogant and Bakura's crass. Of course a woman as elegant and intelligent as Isis wouldn't want anything to do with either of you." He gazed on her lovingly. "Would you, Angel?"

"She meant you, shrimp!" Bakura put his arm around Isis. "Obviously she needs a real man."

"Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!"

* * *

It had found Most Divine Chaos' mark on the human, but it was not en-spelled. Most Divine Wisdom was very clear – as always. All of the marked humans were to be en-spelled.

It had found two others that had been skipped. Others of Its kind were so negligent. It had flowers to correct that, but It had difficulty determining which color created which enchantment. Thus far, It had simply picked one that matched the human's Ba.

But this one's Ba was grey. It did not have a grey blossom – those were rare and only touched by Most Divine Ecstasy. It pondered the Human as he moved purposefully down the hall.

Then It came to a decision. It would use both a white and a black blossom. Simple logic. It knew Most Divine Wisdom would be most pleased with the decision.

* * *

"Here." Set looked around the office and chuckled. "It doesn't resemble the temples of old, but this is where he performs his modern rituals." It was more an offering to technology than a place of worship, but Set knew his priest's heart. From this desk – this new form of alter – chaos spread across the world. "This is where we bring them."

Nut nodded. "Yes, there is much power here. Go. Find your subjects. Set, you stay here and prepare the ritual. No more of these blossoms. And send any sprite you find home. I think they've done quite enough."

* * *

"Ryou, sweetie, slow down!" Mai had to run to keep up with the man's surprisingly wide stride. "Where are you going?"

"I told you. Jou says Kaiba's a freak and he's got a whole fuckin' playroom around here." He grabbed her suddenly and held Mai against the wall. "Don't you want me to make you feel like a real woman?"

"Oh, yes, darling, yes!" Mai wondered why she'd ever thought being with another woman was right. And who would have suspected that under his timid and quiet exterior, that Ryou was such a beast? "Make me your woman now!"

"What? You need a shot of Vitamin R now? Jeez! What a skank! You can't get enough, can you?" He smirked. "Well, I guess, I'll just have to do you right here in the hall. Bend over."

* * *

Khepri had to laugh aloud.

"Well, no one said luck had to be good!" Thoth observed.

Jou was naked, on the floor, lying on his back. "Woof, woof!" He barked, twisting like a dog begging for a belly rub.

A woman marked by Nephthys laughed too. "Up, dog! You shouldn't embarrass yourself in front of strangers." She eyed Khepri and Thoth. "Beautiful strangers."

"Come here, woman." Thoth spoke gently, and luckily, she needed no more coaxing than that. "I see our brother's priest has done our sister's office." He pulled her willing body into his arms. "Could we do any less, brother?"

* * *

Nephthys looked over the man before her. "I can see why my nephew chose you."

"Look, sister, any other day I would do you with no problem," he eyed the hallway beyond her. "But if I lose Isis because of you, I will make you pay!"

"You even sound like my nephew." She laughed. "Do you shout 'vengeance is mine' when you defeat your enemies?"

"Seriously, lady, you're hot. Don't make me hurt you."

She laughed. "You poor confused thing! Come." A simple gesture made his mind docile. "Let us take you where you will not be hurt."

* * *

Nut waited until the Pharaoh and his chosen had finished seeding the priestess.

"It is good to see you, Chosen-of-Ra."

Yugi squeaked and pulled the sheet up to his chin.

Yami and Isis both looked curiously at the woman.

"Do I know you?" Isis asked. "From the Temple, perhaps?"

"Mother?" Yami asked, shocked by the idea.

"Sleep." Nut gestured and they all found their eyes closing. "This will all be over soon."

* * *

"Mother, she was already willing." Horus whined. "And she's mortal. How could it matter?"

"Oh it doesn't to me." Isis shrugged. "But you had better hope your Grandmother feels the same or you'd best go join your father in the Underworld for a millennia or two." She snickered. "Poor Set. He's going to be disappointed to learn that this one is male."

"Serves him right. He started all this. I'm glad he lost one of his toys." Horus shifted the woman in his arms. "Vengeance is mine."

* * *

Seto opened his office door to find a man sitting behind his desk, drinking a glass of brandy. Not the fine one he kept in the cabinet for business associates. The one he kept locked in the safe. The Amontillado. The one for 'personal' guests.

Not that the man wasn't worthy of such consideration. He was astoundingly handsome. And with chestnut brown hair and ocean blue eyes, he was more than a bit familiar. It was like looking into a mirror that erased all flaws. Seto picked up a sniffer and poured himself a glass of the fragrant liquor.

Then he sat in the guest chair in front of his desk. "I gather you are behind the odd behavior of Jounouchi and the others."

"So suspicious, Seth," Set answered. "It's as if you no longer trust me."

"I see your error. In order to trust you, I'd have to know who you are." He sipped the brandy. "It would help, as well, if you actually knew my name." Neither would be required to sleep with the man, but that wasn't the question at hand.

"I named you thousands of years ago. I don't see why I should change now."

"Ah! You are insane. I had wondered what audacity had made you bold enough to interfere with my life."

"By Ra, you are insufferable!" Set chuckled. "I should never have made you in my own image."

"Well, you do resemble me," Seto allowed. "Although, it does suit me better." It was crazy, but Seto was finding himself drawn to the man. It was taking most of his self-control to not lean over his desk and take him.

"My human guise suits you better? Really! Such an ego." Set sipped his brandy. "Just for that, you'll never see another case of Amontillado in this life."

"Not much of a threat." Seto shrugged. "I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that if you intend to make demands of me."

"Flinging your soul mate into the arms of another man wasn't enough?"

Seto sipped to keep his features hidden. Neither Tamora nor Roland could determine why Jou had gone suddenly quite mad. A medical equipment firm was delivering a CAT scanner shortly. Seto was praying that it would reveal an answer.

"It won't," Set replied aloud to Seto's silent prayer.

"What won't?"

"The CAT scan. It won't reveal the source. It's chemical, but it isn't detectable by any method you know." Set chuckled at Seto's expression. "I do hear your prayers, you know. I simply don't respond to them. Usually. You rarely offer a sacrifice in this modern era."

Seto stared at the lunatic seated at his desk. He actually seemed to believe he was god. And one that Seto would worship, no less. Seto laughed. It was truly absurd.

"Well, I must thank you. I haven't had a good laugh in days. That was easily worth a glass of my good brandy." He finished the glass and put it aside. "Now, whomever you are and however you managed to make seven people behave like utter fools, clearly you want something. What?"

"Your body in sexual sacrifice to me," Set offered, flippantly. Every negotiation had to start somewhere.

"Fine," Seto replied. "When and where?"

Set first arched an eyebrow, then smiled. That was the price in the old days, too.

"Here and now, of course."

* * *

"Togi, maybe it's just the beer talking, but I don't think either of us has a shot in hell with Yami." Honda traced the bottle label with his finger.

"Yeah." The other sighed. "Hell, I don't think either of us has a chance in hell with any of them. I mean, Shizuka turned us down. Anzu's never looked twice."

"Isis hates guys. Mai laughed at me."

"Me too. So did Kaiba."

"When...?"

"A while back. Before he hooked up with Jou."

"Oh."

They both took a thoughtful swallow.

"So why not me?"

Otogi shrugged. "Didn't think you swung both ways. I figured better to have this than that."

"This?"

Otogi used the bottle to gesture to themselves and their surroundings.

"Oh." Honda nodded. He took another swallow. "So why not this _and_ that?"

"Are you into this _and_ that?"

Honda shrugged. "I'm into this. I figure with you, I could get into that."

Otogi looked at the two now empty bottles. "Another round, or you want to get out of here?"

Honda stood and stretched.

" _Now, until the break of day_

 _Through this house each fairy stray._

 _To the best bride-bed will we,_

 _Which by us shall blessed be;_

 _And the issue there create_

 _Ever shall be fortunate._

 _So shall all the couples three_

 _Ever true in loving be;_

 _And the blots of Nature's hand_

 _Shall not in their issue stand;_

 _Never mole, hare lip, nor scar,_

 _Nor mark prodigious, such as are_

 _Despised in nativity,_

 _Shall upon their children be._

 _With this field-dew consecrate,_

 _Every fairy take his gait;_

 _And each several chamber bless,_

 _Through this palace, with sweet peace;_

 _And the owner of it blest_

 _Ever shall in safety rest._

 _Trip away; make no stay;_

 _Meet me all by break of day._ "

"What the hell was that?"

"Shakespeare. Had to learn it for English Lit. Haven't thought of it in years."

"What brought it up now?"

"Not a clue." He laughed. "Maybe I'm drunk."

"Too drunk?"

"No. Not too drunk. I'm seeing clearly now." He looked at Otogi then offered the black-haired man his hand. "Come on, let's get out of here."

* * *

"The spell's been cast. They are all resting comfortably – with the proper mate."

"Isis?"

"Sister left and took her priestess with her. She said she'll return her in time for the births." Nephthys stroked her priestess' sleeping cheek. "You certainly spread chaos this time."

"Not so much." Set shrugged. One of these days, he would have to make Seth's price a night with him and his mate.

"In nine months, three women will birth two children, four priests, and three demigods. Even for you, that will be a notable day."

Set had to smile. "I suppose it will be at that." He crossed the room to her side. "Still angry with me?"

"Yes." She wanted to scowl at him, but found herself smiling. "All this just because I don't wish to bear a child? You went through all this just so your priest and my priestess could bear one instead?"

"No. But it will make the next millennia more interesting than the last."

* * *

Seto woke, in bed, with visions from the oddest dream still drifting in his head.

The man in his arms jumped away. "Who -?" Seto found himself surprised and oddly relieved that it was Jou. "Seto? Why are you - uh - wow. Yeah." He dropped back down, heavily, on the pillow beside him. "Weird dream."

"Did it involve Egyptian myths and silk rope, by chance?"

"Nah. It was about Ryou and Anzu and me on the floor with..." Jou's eyes went suddenly wide. "Uh, you know what? Let's just forget that, right? Tell me about silk rope. That sounds wicked hot."

"I'd rather show you." Seto purred. "But after breakfast. Once our guests have gone."

"Guests? We have guests?"

"Yes, I believe we do." He wasn't sure how many, but he suspected most of the group would be too disoriented to have left during the night. He started to get up, but Jou pulled him back.

"Seto, stay. For a minute, OK? I just want to hold you. I guess that dream kinda weirded me out."

Seto settled under the covers again and wrapped his arms around his only true love. "As long as you'd like."

They stayed that way for a while. But slowly, Seto realized that Jou would eventually learn the truth of his 'dream'. Not that Seto truly believed in divine intervention, but it made more sense than the idea that Jou would have wanted to sleep with that white-haired doormat!

"Katsuya? This will sound a bit odd, I know, but if something happened – with someone else. Between you and someone else -"

"Never!" Jou's voice was muffled against Seto's chest.

"- and I know nothing would ever happen if you were in your right mind, but if – just if – somehow you were tricked or drugged and something happened to either of us that neither of us would want..." Seto hesitated. "Would you forgive me?"

Jou looked up at him. "You OK?"

"Of course. You are the one seeking comfort."

"Yeah, but you don't make Freudian slips like that unless you're pretty upset." Seto arched an eyebrow and Jou smiled softly. "Yes, if 'something' happened between me and someone else, I would forgive you. Would you forgive me, if 'something' happened between you and someone else?"

Seto pretended to think for a moment. "No. I'd hand cuff you to me so that you could never do anything so foolish again."

"So you'd punish me?"

"Of course."

"By making me stay with you?"

"Naturally."

"You're a goof." Jou snickered. "But I love you." They kissed. "I have this insane craving to spank you until your whole body turns pink. Let's throw out anybody who doesn't live here and go down to the playroom."

Lord what fools these mortals be.

* * *

End Note

Each God only has one Token and one sprite doing their bidding. Some of the characters are en-spelled more than once. I needed a spreadsheet to track one belongs to who, but there are small clues in the story, if you want to figure it all out. SJ

Gods:

Ra - God of the Sun - Most Divine Light

Geb - God of the Earth - Most Divine Earth

Nut - Goddess of Sky and Air - Most Divine Mother

Isis - Goddess of Magic and Fertility - Most Divine Magic

Anubis - God of the Underworld - Most Divine Death

Set - God of Chaos and Desert - Most Divine Chaos

Nephyths - Goddess of the Night - Most Divine Night

Thoth - God of Wisdom - Most Divine Wisdom

Horus - God of Vengeance - Most Divine Vengeance

Khepri - God of Luck - Most Divine Luck


End file.
